Replenish

This Saturday morning fills me with a sense of relaxation, a bit of tiredness and a growing excitement for the writing residency next week. There, I can replenish the creative well that feels a bit low at the moment. I don't think I could write a new story right now if I tried. The writing gods have left for vacation and now it's just me on this island, pondering new ways to make a roast chicken.

What helps to still the creative addiction is to work on something else. A friend of mine, also a writer, needed a break from the form and has moved onto a documentary that was sitting in her closet. I read somewhere that Chuck Palahniuk writes a book and then spends the next six months doing something like going to dinner parties, reading, darning his socks or whatever it is that Chuck likes to do. Whatever it is, he is replenishing his creative well and luckily for us artists, that still means working!

We forget that doing everyday things like digging out a wayward piece of kibble from underneath the fridge for the dog, is being logged in the 'things to use later' file in our head. The important thing is to observe this moment, and not to sound too spiritual, be in it. I am aware of my own absence from life, at times. Only when I can no longer feel my fingertips do I stop and take an assessment of things. It's part of the feeling there is not enough time to accomplish one's goals and the subconscious awareness that Death lurks around the corner, but of course that is only my own dark view of things...sigh.

Still, the world is a wonderful place! And as part of today's plan, an embodiment of my creative potential and ability, I will mop the kitchen.

The Last Packet

As I near the final page of my term essay I begin to feel the flutter of relief in my belly. The butterflies in my stomach could be the ulcer I have been working on all term or the fact that I'm always hungry (this I trace to the massive use of my brain). Most likely though, it is the feeling of satisfaction that comes with finishing something.

The setting of goals is something I have always been good at, the accomplishment of said goals is another matter. The good thing about being in a writing program is the monthly deadline of work that keeps the writer in a productive mode. I had set the goal of having at least two stories done this term. I have none. Initially, this left a bit of a hole in my confidence. What exactly have I been doing the last five months? And how in debt am I again? But now as I come to the end of the term, I begin to think the work, although not finished, has been brought to a new level in a way that I don't fully understand. I have had to rethink what it means to accomplish something.

When friends ask what I've learned so far in school, a shiver passes over me because I don't really know how to answer that question. I only know that I am more aware of what I'm putting on the page. So although there are no stories to send to the New Yorker yet, there is only the knowledge that I've worked hard the last five months and that my writing has improved.

Maybe next term will bring about those two finished stories, after all, I have a thesis deadline to think about. Whatever tomorrow brings, I can celebrate the fact that new stories were written and that more ideas have sprung to mind. Maybe accomplishing something just means putting one foot in front of the other, for as long as possible. As people, that is all we can hope for.

Coffee Run

This morning's unexpected dash to the Starbucks on the corner turned out to be a pleasant exchange with the outside world; I even joked with the lady who asked whether I was in line or not, putting on my sarcastic face and quipping, "I am. Oh yes, I am." She laughed. I smiled at my being quick witted at seven o'clock in the morning. These are the small moments that make my day ever since deciding to enroll in an MFA writing program, which now pretty much takes up all of my time - in a good way - but still, I sometimes worry I am becoming a socially retarded. This morning proves that I am not. Not yet.

This is why I decided to start this blog. That way, I can pretend that I am speaking with the larger world and not just huddled over the my computer writing or watching animal videos on Utube. I could perhaps say something worthwhile that might inspire thought or show something about writing and photography that could help the would-be writer or photographer, or perhaps someone who already is. This is my goal, but I'm not promising anything.